Alternate Mother’s Day

Not long after my mother died in 2020, I had an extremely vivid dream about her that I’ve never forgotten.

Unlike most of my dreams of her, in this one I was aware that she was dead and that I was seeing her in her after-existence. I recognized her easily, of course, because physically she appeared as she had appeared in life, and she was always attractive in ways that made me wonder where my genes came from.

But there was a difference. She was radiant in a way she never was in life (and she was known as a generally happy person, at least in public), and seeing her unable to contain her happiness made me happy.

I was on my way to talk to her when someone stopped me and said, “She won’t know you. This is the version of her who never met your father.”

It made sense. I continued watching her for several minutes. Her overwhelming joy was the most gorgeous sight I’ve ever seen. It was worth her no longer knowing me to see her so relieved.

I don’t claim to know everything there is to know about the afterlife; I know what I was taught growing up was wrong, but I’ve only had glimpses of the truth. I don’t doubt that my mother loved her family, but I’ll never forget that moment of what could have been showing up in my dream.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. If you’re able to choose this alternate past, or able to exist now without that underlying pain that was always so close to the surface, know that I support this version of you. Don’t worry, when we meet again, I’ll find you, introduce myself as a new person, and never remind you of anything that would bring you down to where you used to be.