I make it a point to speak to homeless people when I can. As I expected, the stereotypical generalizations are not true. Here are some generalizations of my own, based on my experiences:
- Every homeless person I have ever spoken to has welcomed a conversation. My offers of cash and food have been rejected, but never a conversation. They’ve been chats about everything, from personal biographies to politics to pets. Some lasted two minutes, others two hours.
- Bad relationships seem to be at the root of homelessness. I don’t have numerical data, but it seems that I’ve heard many stories of abusive partners or family members from homeless people of all genders and ages. Some escaped with nothing but what they wore. Some divorced but lost everything they owned in the process.
- Addictions are also part of the situation, but not always. I have never asked anyone, homeless or housed, if they have addictions. However, occasionally the information has been offered to me anyway. Most who have raised the subject name alcohol as their chosen necessity. One man looked up from his McDonald’s burger to thank me for the food but what he really needed me to buy for him would get us both arrested. One woman told me she had been in and out of rehab her entire life for addiction to “anything and everything”, in her words. Other times, addictive substances are never mentioned.
- I’ve received very few direct requests for assistance of any kind, but of the requests I’ve received, most have been for food for themselves or their dogs. Mostly for dogs. I’ve purchased more dog food for the homeless than anything else, and in many cases, they’ve accepted the dog food and flatly refused anything I’ve offered. I must admit, though, that this probably happens because talking about a pet is the easiest way to initiate a conversation with someone, at least for me. I’ve occasionally been asked to buy a meal, liquor, socks, tampons, cigarettes, toothpaste, and ibuprofen. It bears repeating that 90% of the homeless people I’ve talked to have asked for absolutely nothing and have refused my offers to help.
- Those who have described their situation to me have used some of the same words. Stuck. Held down. Held back. Homeless because they’re unemployed, and unemployable because they’re homeless. Invisible. Ignored. Unfairly judged. Hopeless.
- Some have given me bits of wisdom. An elderly man in Memphis told me that if you’re struggling to hang on to something, it’s not meant to be yours. A young woman in Chicago told me never to give anyone PINs or passwords, no exceptions. A man in front of a Walmart advised me to not to waste my life in a job I hate. (Yes, it took me a while to apply that one.)
- The most important piece–nothing is more hurtful to a human than to be dehumanized. Many have told me that the lack of eye contact, the avoidance, the refusal to greet or acknowledge someone exists–these are the things that make the bad times worse.
My point? I’ve found it beneficial to say hello instead of looking away, to admit that I’m broke but can afford to buy someone a coffee, and to spend a few minutes complimenting someone’s dog. The benefits have been for me. I hope the interactions benefitted them as well.
