Any writer will tell you it’s impossible to survive a writing career unless you can take criticism and rejection (and also endure days, weeks, months, and years of waiting—but that’s a topic for another post). Here’s how I’ve learned to rationalize feedback, or being ignored, without taking it personally.
- Go back to the source of my work—it never feels like it’s my idea. It is something received. Where it came from is a mystery. If the idea fails when it reaches others, it’s not my fault. I’m just the messenger.
- As annoying as it is when publishers and agents respond with “it’s not a good fit”, there is truth to it. If it were up to me, there would be nothing published by Tolkien. It’s apparent that Tolkien’s work merits the popularity it still receives, but it’s not a good fit for my interests. I give the publisher or agent the benefit of the doubt and assume they’re being truthful—it’s not a judgment of the quality (or lack of quality) of my work, but a matter of personal preference.
- When the criticism feels valid, I’ve learned to be grateful to receive it. Not kidding. A short story I recently sold came back from the editor covered in red. After I recovered from the shock, I read the corrections and notes. They were excellent and extremely helpful and the story was better in so many ways.
- When the criticism feels invalid, I’m still grateful. Still not kidding, either. A beta reader I’ve never met in person wrote a criticism of how a romance didn’t develop the way he expected it would, claiming that readers expected the protagonist to end up with their romantic interests, even against all odds. I know my characters and the romance would have been a disaster, but it’s good to know that there will be readers who disagree.
- Sometimes it helps to think of my stories and books as my children. I did the best I could with them, but once I release them, they will have to face their flaws and issues just like everyone else. While it reflects on me, it’s not a full reflection of me. Instead of thinking I failed with a certain story, I choose a more comfortable statement, such as, “That short story I wrote last November is certainly dragging its ass down the pavement.”
- As for being ignored, I picture someone working with hundreds of submissions and I can understand how it happens. Sure, there are masterpieces in the slush pile, but there’s also crap. After reading sixty queries, who can judge? Chances are, most queries are never read. A form letter rejection (to me) means the reader scanned my query, or never read it. When no thought was applied to the decision, I shouldn’t bother giving it a thought, either.
- Perhaps the criticism is right and rejection is inevitable—these things happen. Just because I hit a mailbox in 1990 doesn’t mean my license should be revoked for life. As Leonard Cohen said, “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” The imperfections of this world are part of the perfection. Win some, lose some.
Above all, it’s important to remember that valid criticism of my work is exactly that—criticism of my work. If it involves a personal insult, then the judgment was motivated by something negative and should be rejected. The majority of comments are meant to help, educate, or clarify. I’ve had to learn to consider the motives of the critic.
Also, time and experience are factors. Twenty years ago, I feared criticism and rejection much more. I still care, but not enough to lose sleep.
Bottom line, if you want advice: If you love to write, keep writing. Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
